So here I am, fine wednesday afternoon, still in my ex's over sized tee shirt turned nightie and ankara shorts chatting away to an old friend, and naturally as it's a custom when girls talk (not gossip mind you...like I'd ever stoop so low *straight face*), the topic of the opposite sex creeps up. Today we are talking exes. You see Karen* thinks an ex is still sweet on me and I'm determined to prove otherwise.
Karen: Exes can't be just friends.
Me: Say's who?
Karen: Its just normal. It's just like the Okafor's law says. Once u've been physically or romantically involved with someone, even when you're over, residual feelings remain, such that "having something" is not ruled out.
But wait o, who is this blasted Okafor and who died and made his law a given?
Why can't exes be JUST friends???
The other day I was with a male friend and his argument was that after a breakup, one partner is bound to still be physically or emotionally attached to the other. In other words, if I'm still friends with my ex, he is either emotionally attached to me or he (still) wants to jump my bones or vice versa.
I'd concede to his argument in cases where parting ways was solely one person's idea or circumstances beyond their control caused a breakup. But what about cases where the breakup was a mutual decision. "What stops my ex and I from being just friends like any normal opposite sex friendship?", I asked. Only to be informed that guys and girls "can't be friends". To which I say...bollocks!!!
I'm friends with loads of guys (exes inclusive) and they are friends with other girls too. Do they want to get with US all? C'mon!!!
Of course sometimes, we might still have feelings for an ex or they with us, but what of those that we are well over? Surely nothing stops us from being platonic friends, right? RIGHT?
Yes I care about my exes' welfare, like I do with all my friends. No I don't have feelings for them neither do I plan on getting physical with them nor do they necessarily want to do the same with me...off with Okafor's head!
In relationships, one party has more feelings than the other! So when it comes to ex thingy, one person might still have feelings for the other! Sometimes pple argue about this but the truth IMO is that the person that calls off the relationship might get over the the feelings faster than the person who was broken up with, or the person broken up with might never even get over the person! So if they bcom friends later on, the one with the feelings might still want to do everything possible to get them back into the affair! And they is this saying that "once debe, always debedebe"...lol
ReplyDeleteWell, I'd say u can be friends wif ur ex, so long as the relationship is kept within reasonable confines agreed to by both parties. However, if a current partner has issues or is threatened by your interaction with an ex, you should severe the relationship.
ReplyDeleteI recently had a little episode with my one and only ex. He left for Germany in '06 without saying a word to me. I had to find out from my cousin that he wasn't coming back again and she told me in a very unpleasant way. Anyway, 6yrs later he comes back claiming he still loves me and all despite the fact that he is married with two kids *i know, he is an idiot*. But the story here is when we met for the first time after 6yrs *in a neutral place*, I found out that I still had feelings for him which is a dangerous thing at this point in my life. So I had to end the meeting abruptly and run away. So my point of view Is one can't be "just friends" with an ex cos one party might still have feelings for the other *well in my case it was both parties* and it might just end up being super messy.
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