Womanhood

I looked up and saw the blade coming down.

Nne-anyi's brows were creased in concentration.

Sweat dripping from the folds on her forehead.

Down her cheeks they coursed.

On to her lips they went, as she licked on the salty water till I could see it no more.

Then I felt it.

On my knees.

Trickling down my thighs.

Goose pimples.

Traveling down my wide-spread legs.

The hair on my skin pricking.

Standing at attention.

"Mama", I called out in confusion, as she hushed me up.

What was going on?

Why was Nne-anyi, who was always so jovial, frowning so severely?

Why was I being held down?

Surely they knew I wasn't going anywhere.

I understood fully what was about to be done.

I had looked forward to my 16th birthday all my life.

And now it was time to be a woman.

To do right by my people.

Oh what pride I felt!

Why then the somber looks? I wondered in confusion.

And I noticed a movement ahead.

Nne-anyi was coming closer.

Blade in her right hand.

The closer she came; so did the blade.

Closer.

Closer they came; as I watched on.

Then I felt a nudge on my shoulders.

It was time, Mama whispered.

Time to go to that special place we had talked about.

Where the white light awaited me.

I had to look long and hard she had said, lest the white light faded off without performing the rites.

Cleansing me.

Ushering me into womanhood.

I smiled with understanding.

I had prepared for this all my life.

I stared into space.

Looking without really seeing anything.

And then I saw it.

The white light.

It was brighter than Mama had described.

I concentrated like my life depended on it.

Beckoning it closer.

Reaching for it.

Finally I touched it.

It engulfed me and I welcomed it with open arms.

Lost myself in it.

Finally I was being cleansed.

What joy I felt!

The corners of my mouth curling up into a smile.

UNTIL I felt it.

The pain.

So unexpected.

Snapping me out of my revere.

The pain.

OH THE PAIN.

Sharp.

Continuous.

I searched for Mama but my vision was blurred.

I tried to scream but the sounds never made it past my tightened throat.

The silent noise, deafening.

Ringing in my ears.

My face awash with tears.

My head banging, about to explode.

OH THE PAIN.

I couldn't take it anymore.

The pain.

So this was how it felt.

Loosing one's life.

And just when I was sure I had given up to join my ancestors in the great beyond;
It was all over.

No more could I feel hands peeling on my womanhood.

All that lingered was the soreness in my groin.

The blood stains on my thighs.

The glistening sweat on my skin.

Where was the light Mama had promised would give me peace?

Where was it?

I closed my eyes and concentrated really hard.

Hoping for some reprieve.

But all I could see was Darkness.

Darkness so bright; It was almost blinding.

Mama had failed to tell me this part.

That the light will leave, to be replaced by a great void.

Mama didn't tell me about the void.

Mama had lied.



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This post was inspired by a lecture I heard on female genital mutilation last week. It came as a surprise to learn how rampart female circumcision still was, in a seemingly developing country like Nigeria. Did they know the implications, I wondered? My heart went out to the victims as I pictured the scars, imagined the terrifying labour they were sure to have, some losing their lives in the process. How about infections? HIV and AIDS from unsterilized blades. It sickened my heart. And so I thought to share this. Make my stand known in however small a forum like a blog might present.

My name is Tomiwa Oladele. And I stand against female genital mutilation.